Don't Look At Prices
A deal with the devil
She hobbled around on one tooth, her single declaration was her only way of communicating.
“Don’t look at prices!”
The message was clear, but the logic wasn’t sound. What she was saying with a voice that stirred birds from mile-away perches was, “If you like something, but think it’s too much, name me a price.” The only thing I heard was, “DON’T LOOK AT PRICES!” over and over again for the longest 15 minutes of my life. It was a garage sale, you were supposed to look at prices.
“Don’t look at prices!”
She yelled as she paced her yard, weaving in and out of typewriters, skis and racks of clothes. I often wonder what my legacy will be. Will I be remembered? Admired? What am I doing today to leave a dent? I will remember this woman at the yard sale for the rest of my life. I’ll hear her yell that catch phrase in her pack-a-day voice as my eyes close for the final time. Her call will echo in purgatory.
“Don’t look at prices!”
My wife wanted a scale,
one of those old fashioned kinds with two dishes on chains. This garage sale had a scale.
“Don’t look at prices!”
I admire barter cultures. Why should you pay more than what the seller is willing to part with? It makes sense. Me? I can’t haggle. Don’t have it in me. I would pay 10% more for you to leave me alone. This woman lived that haggle life. She came out of the womb trying to cut a deal for the cord cutting. In the center of this yard sale, she was challenging you to barter like a UFC fighter stalking the octagon for the next comer.
“Don’t look at prices!”
I disobeyed to see that the scale was $30. Reasonable. I had a budget of $40, so I should’ve just handed over the cash. That incessant chant burning in my ears made it so I didn’t want her to win. Who was she to tell me how to shop? I grabbed the scale and squared up.
“I’ll give you $15 for this scale.”
“Hmmm, I don’t know,” she said, surprising me with her vast vocabulary. “15 from 30?”
“You said not to look at prices.”
“How about $20.”
It was mine for around the amount of change I currently keep in the dish to balance out the weight of my car keys. While I saved on the scale, I’m forever a changed man, cursed by the bark of the banshee woman. The haunting is the real price I paid. When you see me in the streets, you might not recognize me. I don’t look at prices.
Greg Bauch’s new book ‘Unbelievable’ will be available July 1st!
Preview at gregbauch.com